Mea Culpa

Much to the chagrin of some, I have made no secret that the last seven days have been extremely difficult ones for me. Instead of excitedly preparing for and seeing the premiere of my new play, I watched it crash and burn, along with some pretty significant and longstanding relationships.

I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the events of the past week and what is involved when working on a developmental piece. Now that the smoke has started to clear and I have moved beyond my initial disappointment, I would be remiss if I didn't point a few things out. This is not a post about full disclosure or pointing fingers, so I won't share all of the sordid details. However, it is important that I share a few of them.

In fairness to the theater and to the cast, when we started this process the script was not complete. It was nowhere near it. We began rehearsals with a couple of scenes and then, over the next few weeks, I would provide a scene here and there. We did not have a full script until three weeks before our scheduled opening, which we had to push back. Even after finishing the script, I was tweaking and rewriting. I cannot imagine how frustrating that must have been for the actors. I know how difficult it was for me as a writer to complete the script, I am sure it was just as hard for the actors who were anticipating pages, only to repeatedly come up empty handed.

I have also learned the importance of open communication and testing understanding. These are tactics I use in my office environment all the time but not as often as I should in my theatrical endeavors. The words "in development" can be interpreted differently by different people. I should have been more forthcoming with the theater and the cast about what I perceive "in development" to mean. I think we could have avoided a lot of confusion and tension if we had been more up front about the expectations we had of one another.

I am, without doubt, a flawed person. One of my biggest flaws is my inability to say "no," which often results in me over-committing myself. In this instance, that character flaw ended up working against me as I tried to juggle work, family and volunteering while attempting to write, direct and oversee the production of a new play. Promises were made and were not kept because, through nobody's fault but my own, the hours and the energy were in short supply. 

Over the past week, in writing about my personal feelings and sharing my disappointment, I have egregiously neglected to share a very important point. The cast and the crew that were involved in this production gave everything they had, despite the constant challenges they were faced with. They were very committed to their roles, to the piece and to the theater. Without their efforts, I would not have been able to create the characters that now live on the pages of this script. Whatever the next step, I will be forever grateful for their talents and contributions.

This chapter of my life was a difficult one to write. I have made every attempt to be as honest and forthcoming as I can be. I hope that the people who care can see that. I am a firm believer that there are two sides to every story and then there is what really happened. I have learned some very hard lessons and I hope that the knowledge I've gained will prevent me from making the same mistakes down the road. With this blog, I am not attempting to garner a sympathy following or trying to make excuses, I am only chronicling this journey because it is an important one for me. 

Mea culpa. I'm sorry. Time to write the next chapter.